Krrish 3 Film Review: Superhero or just a jerk?

There are very few movies that can make even the most cold-hearted people (me being one of them) cry. But this film, along with “127 Hours”, holds the distinction of making me sob like a little girl, albeit for completely different reasons. While “127 Hours” was a masterclass in filmmaking, this film is a tutorial on how to disgust people. It is terrible on so many levels that I stopped counting midway. I howled and begged for mercy, but there was no let-up. It is also a landmark film, in the sense that it’s the first film where I heard so many people in a multiplex muttering “kya chutiya hai, yaar”.

The film opens with a guy getting injected with a virus, after which he starts turning red and purple. There’s no way of telling whether it was because of the virus or because he simply couldn’t tolerate being in the same frame with Vivek Oberoi. If Professor Xavier and Magneto from the “X-Men” films had sex and gave birth to a child, and that child turned out to be a retard, it would be like Vivek Oberoi’s character Kaal. The action then shifts to Mumbai, which actually looks more like Macau or Vegas. Here, Krishna (Hrithik Roshan) drapes his wife’s (Priyanka Chopra) ghagra and goes around saving people. At one point in the film, he actually investigates stolen ice-cream. His father Rohit Varma (also Hrithik Roshan) lives with him too. Rohit carries around a torso made of pillows and dresses like Dev Anand, which might be a homage to the legend or just poor wardrobe choice.

Kaal has also produced a hybrid breed of humans and animals called “maanvars”, one of whom is also Kaya (Kangana Ranaut). This leads to further rip-offs from the “X-Men” franchise, with Kaya being a duplicate of Mystique. Rest of the plot involves a lot of hogwash about genetics, viruses and antidotes, which just serve as an excuse for the special-effects laden scenes and for shameless promotion of any and all brands represented by Hrithik Roshan. In between, there are dialogues so cringe-worthy that I’ve started to look like a Chinese guy due to excessive cringing.

India seems to be going in the wrong direction when it comes to special effects. First came Rajnikanth’s “Robot”, which remains the gold standard and pinnacle for Indian sci-fi. Then came the terrible “Ra.One”, which atleast had pretty decent special effects. And now, Krrish 3 is just plain tacky. The much talked-about special effects seem as if they had been drawn by hand rather than being computer-generated. The best special effect of the lot has to be the flicker of an expression that comes on Kangana Ranaut’s face.

Who doesn’t know about this film’s brilliant soundtrack? I’m pretty sure Rajesh Roshan was being beaten on the head with kitchen utensils while he was composing this music, where a black guy singing “Raghupati Raghav Raja Ram” isn’t the most offensive song in the film. It has to be the magnificent piece of artistry called “God Allah aur Bhagwan”, where our superhero dances around a statue of himself quite similar to the one being made for Sardar Patel right now.

There is so much overacting in this film that you could lend the extra acting to John Abraham and Katrina Kaif for their next 10 films and still have leftovers for Saif Ali Khan. Hrithik Roshan irritates as Krishna, irritates as Krrish and irritates as Rohit Varma. Priyanka ‘Exotic’ Chopra has made it a norm to look hot and act bad. Kangana is terrible, but she does manage to look good in those scenes where her hair isn’t parted from the centre and pulled into a knot so tight that you could actually see her brains spilling out of her skull. As for Vivek Oberoi, he gets to give exactly 2 expressions- stone and marble. He also has a wicked laugh every five minutes, which sounds like Amrish Puri orgasming, and gets to wear a suit made out of silver foil from your tiffin box.

The film ends with the birth of Krishna’s son, leaving room open for another sequel. Since then, I’ve been praying to “God Allah aur Bhagwan” to save us from the apocalypse that the sequel would be, to which all three replied in unison, “Krrish will save you, beta”. Why can’t I just die?

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©Piyush Chopra for PosterGully.com

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